How to Make and Use Talismans

Convenience Stories Chapter 15

NOTE FOR NEW SUBSCRIBERS: Be sure to click here to catch up with Convenience Stories, my exclusive report from rural Southwestern Pennsylvania, where I spent two years repairing lottery machines — a job that put me in daily contact with society's margins and liminal spaces, the front lines of America’s decline.

I didn’t hold my breath, waiting for Gary to text me. However, I did find a local witch from a flyer posted at the Sheetz on Mount Nebo Road. For $40 she said she could resolve my problems at work by lighting a candle and saying some prayers. And I guess it worked. My boss called me into his office, said that they conducted an “investigation” (whatever that means) and that they couldn’t find any surveillance video of me stealing a candy bar. He also made it clear that I was one minor infraction away from being let go. I thanked him — ate shit, even — and left the meeting convinced that I needed to find another job ASAP. Or, you know, join a nomadic witch cult. It was all rather undignified.

There were more witches in Pennsylvania during the colonial era than there were in New England. The latter became well known for its hysterical fear of witchcraft following the Salem trials of 1692, which were later adapted into a 1996 film starring Winona Ryder. Ultimately nineteen people, mostly women, were executed. Five people who were found guilty died in jail, and another was tortured to death.

In contrast, Pennsylvania had its one recorded witch trial in 1684. The accused was Margaret Mattson, a Swedish immigrant to North America. She communicated with the grand jury through an interpreter. The trial was presided over by William Penn, the founder of the state, who found her innocent of bewitching a neighbor’s cattle. Her life was spared but she was fined fifty pounds for her witchy reputation and told to behave for the next six months. Legend has it that, when her accusers claimed she was known to fly on a broomstick, Penn said: “Well, I know of no law against it.”